What My Dogs Taught Me About Letting Go
Navigating loss and grief to find resilience.
Story and photos by Adam Markel
Over the past two years, we endured losing two members of our family—our beloved golden retriever Duncan and black lab Wilson. From them, I learned lessons I will remember when I next face loss.
I’ve been studying how we build resilience in the face of relentless change. A big part of that is through resilience rituals—those things we do to keep ourselves strong, healthy, and able to cope with whatever life brings. One of my favorite resilience rituals was walking Duncan and Wilson.
When these dogs were in my life, I had a reminder each day to get out in the fresh air and take 20-, 30-, or 40-minute walks with them. Those walks were an opportunity to break up the stress and get back into equilibrium, to a place where I felt good. Walking the dogs gave me a chance to take care of them and myself at the same time.
Such rituals can also provide us with a bridge, from a moment when we’re devastated by loss to another moment when we’re able to deal with it. But there’s also something below the surface that we don’t talk about much, which is letting go of control. Facing uncertainty, the unknown, and the fact that we can’t control what happens in our lives drives much of the anxiety that people feel in any kind of loss.
The bestselling author of When Heaven Calls, conducts events online via Zoom. The hour and forty-five-minute events have been called the most unusual family gathering possible. During the live Zoom group events Matt quickly delivers messages of love and comfort as he delivers information to assist a family to let go of grief and treasure the loving memories of their departed family member.
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